Order of service for our baby

When we were initially presented with the task of deciding what we would like to put in the order of service for our baby’s funeral we were really lost. When your only memories of someone are those in utero, it is hard to find things that have meaning. We never got to know what his favourite things were, his personality, or to have shared experiences.

I imagine the same this are true of other parents in this situation and so we thought we would share the order of service we put together to help inspire anyone who is faced with these hard decisions.

Entrance to church
The family gathered together outside the church and we all walked in together. I wrote a piece of music that I recorded at home and it was played out over the speakers in the church. As soon as I started thinking about a service I knew that I had to write some music for it. I wrote music for our wedding and it really gave the service a personal and unique touch. I knew that writing music for our baby was going to be tough but it was a personal gift that I could give to our baby. Listening to it today brings back a lot of the emotions I felt in those early days, which can be very hard to revisit but it is also an important connection to our little angel.

Welcome and Sentences from the Scriptures
Opening Prayers

Poem: Too Beautiful for Earth
This was read by our little angel’s Grandma. As the first member of the family to read anything, it was very brave of her to get up and speak. The poem is quite short and I think this made it a little easier. We really felt it set the context for the whole service.

Bible Reading: Mark 10 v13-16
This is a popular passage from the bible that was read by our Reverend. It says that “whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it”.

Hymn: The Lord’s My Shepherd
We only chose one hymn for the service as we only wanted our direct family there and singing on this occasion was going to be hard. We picked this hymn as it has some beautiful words. It was also used at other funerals within the family and so it has additional special meaning.

Poem: A Mother’s Day Poem

For this slightly longer poem we asked an Auntie who was comfortable reading in public. With the music at the beginning and the bedtime story at the end from me it was important to have a mother’s message and this poem really sums up some of the feelings of losing a baby you have carried for all those months. The last verse is also a message for the mum:

I must be a special mother
because I have been set apart
Some mothers carry their children in their arms,
but I carry you in my heart.

Music: Somewhere Over the Rainbow

We chose the Ingrid DeMosch version of this song, which is a beautiful version from a Children’s Bedtime album. The song really seems to have a message about heaven, “Where troubles melt like lemon drops” and “the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true”.

Reading: Footprints in the Sand

Grandad read this poem, which was a message for all of the family. It explains how in our hardest hour, when it feels we are alone, God is there to carry us.

Bedtime Story: Humphrey’s Playtime
This book was a favourite for our eldest son and we used to read it to him every night as part of his bedtime routine. We decided that as we laid our little one to bed he should also have a story and so I read this book to him. It was very hard to get up and speak in church without crying but as I knew the story so well there was no chance of stumbling over the words. After the service people said how brave I was and how lovely it was that I read it just like I would read to a child at bedtime.

Address
The Lords Prayer
Prayers
Commendation

These were all standard parts of the service, lead by the Reverend. It was a chance for some quiet reflection.

Music: A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

As we walked out of the church we asked for this music to be played. It was a very tough choice for us as we knew we would hear the song whenever our children watch Cinderella and also when we visit Walt Disney World but we felt it was a very appropriate song. As we laid our little angel to rest the song gave a promise for his dreams and also for us:

No matter how your heart is grieving,
If you keep on believing,
The dream that you wish will come true.

The service was really hard but also really beautiful. We put our personal touch into every part and this made it truly special. If you are putting together a service or know someone who is, maybe our order of service will provide some ideas.