Oliver’s Story is a series of posts sharing the experiences of a friend as she comes to terms with the loss of her baby boy, born in October 2005.
Introduction
After discovering at our 20 week scan, which had already been pushed back until I was 23 weeks and 3 days, that our second child, a son had severe abnormalities, an amnio was carried out and the results showed our baby to have Triploidy – a rare chromosome disorder. Which in layman’s terms means an incompatibility with life.
The sad choices we were given were either to terminate, an induction with no intervention or to carry as far as I would and let my son die naturally. I was told by the size of our baby I was unlikely to have a live birth and he was expected to die any day. He was smaller than he should have been at 23 weeks.
I could not put my son through the process of a termination nor could I bear to continue growing and feeling what might be my son’s last kick. So I prayed for nature to take over right away and went in reluctantly for an induction. My son was born silently following a hard labour.
The Labour
I last felt Oliver kick at 8am on Thursday morning but he had been fairly quiet since Wed due to the meds that slow Placenta activity down. He woke me up at 5am on Thursday as well.
I cupped my bump and told him I loved him. We arrived at 3pm and the midwife tried to hear a heartbeat and could not I had said to Chris that day that I felt he had gone.
I was strangely at peace that he had gone. But I waited in a room, which is like a hotel room and was sad, it was not meant to be like this I had seen cots on the way in and women in labour.
Me and my Husband Chris watched tv but after the second set of tablets my contraction started so I put the music on. It helped. I was scared but also very calm. The midwife sat with us and talked. I said I thought it would be over by 10pm.
At 9pm I had contraction every 1 minute. I used gas and air. I had an internal at 10pm and he was just sitting there waiting to pop out. I felt and could feel him to.
We went to a delivery room and the midwife said I would not need to push he would pop out. He did not and the labour got really strong, hard contractions I was fully dilated but he was not coming. I had morphine but that made me calm but once a contraction came I was in so much pain.
I had an epidural at 2am. Sitting up for this was unbearable I felt so weak and sick and begged them to let me lay down. They did it wrong I was crying when they did it again I lay down but felt him crown. This scared me to death and I lost all control I hyperventilated and was shaking all over. They all helped me calm down Chris was fantastic. I felt him come almost out. He was in his bag and I was told to slow down and let my body do what it needed to do. Well he sat like that for maybe an hour. It was calm and I slowly pushed him out over the hour. I was calm not scared by this point.
When I delivered him at 2.55am I was too scared to look I was guided by Chris who said it not scary. I looked down and saw him in his bag and the placenta was still intact. The midwife Georgina slowly undid him.
Meeting Oliver
He was precious, beautiful and his strength brought me complete calmness. He looked just like Ellie in the face, her’s and Chris’s lips. He has my toes the second one being longer than the big toes. Only me, Ellie and my dad have this. He had Chris’s long fingers.
I was so moved by Chris who showed me how proud he was of his son. He was not at all scared and was really excited by his son’s features. Chris had tears in his eyes but I never did cry I felt so at peace. It felt right this was how we were going to meet Oliver.
He stayed with us for 4 hours I did not want him to go but I did not want to see his colour changed and when that started the time felt right. I swaddled him and placed him with his teddy I have kept an identical teddy and blanket. He was taken back to our bedroom in a basinet and we joined him at 6.30 to sleep. I touched him on his cheek and said “night night Ollie”
The midwife came in at 7.30 and quietly took him away. When the nurse came in later to take my stats I wanted to say “quiet, don’t wake him” I was very dazed and thought he was alive. Me and Chris slept until midday and then went home. I slept all day yesterday and last night with Oliver’s blanket and teddy the ones I have.
We took some photos of Oliver
Birth stories are always ones that are shared by people (particular women), but when the outcome was not a happy one it can be very difficult feel like it is acceptable to share.
I can really relate to the part when you said “quiet, don’t wake him”. In the early days, waking up and remembering what you have lost was one of the most horrible feelings.
Thank you for sharing this story. My daughter Abigail was a triploidy baby, although we only knew that after she was born. We too found there was a problem at 20 weeks but it took until 33 weeks for her to leave us.
I relate to much of your birth story and afterwards.
Peace to you