Oliver’s Story is a series of posts sharing the experiences of a friend as she comes to terms with the loss of her baby boy, born in October 2005.
It’s been nearly 3 months since the birth and death of our sweet son Oliver Daniel born to us on the 28th Oct 2005 at 24 weeks. In reflection I have come along way through a painful and difficult journey.
In those first two weeks I must have been in shock as I seemed to cope very well but now when I think back to the day of his funeral I am glad I am nearly 3 months along as that day was sheer hell. I remember not really living in the real world we ate takeaways and drank gallons of tea, typically English of us, when things are bad we smooth it over with a cup of tea. Then slowly the fog eased and all I felt was a big loss. A loss of our much-wanted second child, the loss of my bump then the cruelty of my milk coming in and flowing along with our tears.
People who have never experienced grief particularly that of a child don’t seem to understand that is gets worse with time not better. Now my friends barely mention him like I should have moved on but to me it’s ever so real with his actual due date approaching. I am still counting the days down to that date and as my tummy becomes flatter in my head I am all too aware of how big I would be today.
Our son although not here in life is with us everywhere and not a day goes without a mention from my husband or me. I just wish my friends could do the same. My friends and our family were great and some still are but now I feel I could write a book on what not to say when a person has lost a baby. Why are some people so insensitive?
Oh yes, definitely a long list of things people say that really don’t help. I wish at the time we had the list of do’s and don’ts that I found subsequently.